Don't Look Back In Anger
Have a Nice Day
By Emma G Keller in New York, Saturday 18th August 2012 18:06
First the New York Times reports on the new trend of proposing marriage by flash mob, then Times reporter David Pogue creates a fake movie trailer of the story of his love, persuades a local movie theater to play it, and videos his girlfriend watching it before tweeting it. (Spoiler alert: she says yes.)
Proposing marriage used to be a time for quiet dignity between two people. No more. Now we live in a time of loud, instant reaction. A time to let the bells ring out all over the internet, to get down on one knee with tweet in hand. Make sure the live feed is up and running. Enlist everyone you know to pop the question with you. If they can't be there in person, have them Skype in like Portland actor Isaac Lamb did.
So how can you fit in with or even outdo this trend? Here are some ideas:
1. Book yourself in for open-heart surgery. Have your girlfriend be at the hospital. make sure the surgical camera is hooked up to Vimeo or YouTube. Just before they put you out, sit up on the gurney and tell your lady love only she can save your heart. If she says yes, cancel surgery and go home. If not, ask for extra anesthetic.
2. Declare yourself a candidate for US president. Get nominated by your party. Win the election. At your swearing in, take the bible from the US chief justice of the supreme court and lip sync to Celine Dion's Power of Love while kneeling in front of your intended.
3. Go with your partner to the Ecuadorian embassy in London. Propose.
4. Train for the 10,000m track event at the Rio Olympics. Win the gold medal. Instead of grabbing the flag of your country, take a specially prepared banner that says "Will you marry me Fill-in-the-name?" Find your intended in the crowd. With any luck she will be seated several rows back. Trample over as many people as you can and breathlessly pop the question. Give live interviews to networks from all over the planet.
5. Put on a brightly colored balaclava and find an electric guitar. Go to a large cathedral. Try not to get arrested.
8. Become an anchor on the Today Show. Have no affect on the ratings. When Matt sadly tells you you're moving on, say "Damn right!" and burst into any song by Billy Ocean.
7. Buy lots of Facebook shares. Record yourself giving them to your intended while reciting Matthew Arnold's Growing Old. Be prepared for disappointment.